I Remember
by ElsaPatronus
Summary: After defeating Voldemort, Harry thinks his life through. And realise, despite defeating He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, who he's lost - Hermione Jean Granger. (It's a lousy summary, but...erm, could you give it a shot?) One-shot.


**A/N: I'm not very sure about this little story, but it...erm, just came to mind... I've never really written a story this way before... Harry might be out of character... This is after the 2nd Wizarding War, and the others are in the castle, talking to and healing the injured. Um, I really am sorry if it's...uh...lousy...**

I remember the first time I saw you. I thought you were a bossy, arrogant girl. I know, that sounds terrible, but in the passing years, I saw that you weren't - aren't - what I thought you were. Ron and I had been in the compartment, and you came in, asking if we had seen a toad that Neville lost. Ron and I had shaken our heads. Ron was in the middle of turning his rat yellow, and you requested for him to go on. _Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?_ you had said. You took out your wand and pointed it at me, and I stared at it cross-eyed, not quite sure what you had wanted to do. _Oculus Reparo,_ you said. The Sellotape which had held my glasses together came off and it was brand new. When I had taken off my glasses to inspect it with wonder, you knew my name before I knew yours. You left after some introduction, and you had pointed out that Ron had some dirt on the side of his nose.

I remember you anxiously sitting on the stool, the Sorting Hat being placed upon your head. Your freckled face tight with worry, and you were fiddling with your hands, sitting upright. _GRYFFINDOR!_ the Hat had cried. In that moment, I honestly thought that the Hat had gone mental. Because _you_, a _Gryffindor_? But as the years went by, I realised how truly right it was. You are loyal, brave, smart. You could be placed in anywhere except for Slytherin. Yes, you were smart, but your bravery... It stood out the most.

I remember you upset, when you shoved past, Dean, Seamus and Ron. You were holding back sobs, and I was stunned and quite sad, but I hid the sadness. _I think she heard you,_ I said. I wanted to follow you and see where you went to comfort you, but Ron didn't really like you much and he was the first eleven-year-old friend I ever made.

I remember your face when our House was in the last place among the four Houses. You clapped without much enthusiasm, and that was when I knew the reason why I jumped on an ugly-looking troll to save you. You could be smart, bossy, loyal and kind, but you could also be the kind to be upset about that. I thought you were going to say, _Oh well. It was expected._ or _They're just points._ But you were actually disappointed by that, and we Gryffindors never really give up. And somehow it made me like you even more.

I remember your hug. It was like on a cold night, and you were the blanket, giving me warmth.

I remember you sighing, staring at that Lockhart. I didn't like him one bit. His smile was just to charm the ladies. I hadn't known what I felt then when I'd ball my fists up and resist punching him, wanting to wipe that dumb smile of his face. I hadn't known that it was all _you_. I hadn't known it was... jealousy. It was more than him being a fraud.

I remember seeing you on the hospital bed, motionless. Your eyes - your _beautiful_ brown eyes - unblinking. I missed seeing your eyelashes flutter shut and open when you blink. I was angry, upset - all these emotions surging through me as I stared at you, in your Petrified state. I had wished so terribly that you would blink and smile softly, saying it was all just a joke. And I... I felt that you were already gone. And it had only been less than a day. I couldn't think how it'd feel if it was for ever. Your brains had helped us to save the others and you. You risked your life to save the others.

I remember you slapping my hand away when I tried to touch the Time Turner. It did sting, but I couldn't stop the smile that grew on my face. You weren't afraid to stop people. Like how you did with Malfoy. You punched him, and I swear, that was one of the most memorable things in my life. We went back in time, because you wanted to help save Buckbeak and my godfather - the only family that I had gotten left. Right now it seems that it was all for nothing, but at least we saved Buckbeak. When Lupin, in werewolf form, came down on me, you howled to get his attention so I wouldn't be killed. You hadn't even thought of what would've happened to you - and it made me think that you were the most amazing person I'd ever met.

I remember when you saying, _I'm scared for you_. And I didn't... I felt all tingly, but I couldn't place it. I hadn't known I had feelings for you. I acted like I didn't care. Because why would someone like you care for someone like..._me_? But...after all, when Ron had been being such a git, she stuck with me through and through.

I remember your tight embrace after I Ascendioed out of The Black Lake. You got your own towel and wrapped it around me, and you kissed me on the cheek. That tingly feeling again. I didn't realise it then. Your eyes shone with concern and care, and I somehow thought that I did not deserve it.

I remember you encouraging me. To teach people how to _fight_. You cared for me when you saw the mark on my left hand. You saw what others hadn't. You examined it, and the pain in your voice. The worry and care and concern, it burnt a hole through my heart. I knew - I had realised that Ron fancied her. I couldn't betray my best mate, now could I?

I simply remember you being there. In our seventh year... I knew that you loved Ron. And that broke my heart. But you loved Ron, yet you stayed with me - stinking ol' me - to hunt for Horcruxes. I didn't know what I was doing, and yet you stayed. You cried every night, and I died a little inside every time. Not just because you were crying over Ron, it was because you were crying. And the sound and sight just hurt me. In Godric's Hollow, you followed me to my parents' graves. You made a wreathe for them, and I appreciated it a lot.

I remember myself extending my hand to you, asking you for a dance. We had so much fun then, we forgot momentarily about the predicament we were in. Seeing you smile and laugh for the first time made me feel so _alive_, so _happy_.

I remember you hugging me for what I thought was going to be the last time. I hugged back tightly, basking in the moment. I smelled your hair - peppermint. _I'll go with you!_ you had cried. I nearly broke down myself, but knew I had to keep a calm composure. I didn't want to let go, but then, all good things must come to end, right?

I remember walking to the forest, thinking about Mum and Dad and Sirius and Lupin and Fred and everybody else who had died. I thought of you, I thought of how you would never love me back, and that it didn't matter if I died.

* * *

><p>As I look at you and Ron kissing each other, whispering sweet things into each other's ears, I close my eyes and think of how my years of loving you had never stopped. I think of all the things I had missed. My chest tightens, and sobs threaten to wrack my body. Silent tears stream down my face. I think of all that I have lost. My family ruined. Everything ruined.<p>

As I look at you, only one thought resounds through my mind.

_I don't remember you loving me._

**A/N: Hello. Erm, I thought I'd write this. It's not very good, is it...? Um, I know... Uh... Constructive criticism is welcome...um, I hope you don't hate it...**


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